Many women do not recognize that they have the power within themselves to live the life they truly desire. Too often, women find themselves forfeiting that inner strength for the counterfeit of an externally driven motivator–the expectations and demands of relationships in their lives.
Relationships affect us in the three primary dimensions of life–the physical, emotional and spiritual realms. When relationships are chaotic, abusive or draining, they infringe on your body, mind and spirit. A friend of mine recently broke up with a man she really cared about after finding out about an affair he was having with someone else. Physically, she began to gain weight and her health became an issue. Mentally, she became depressed and her emotional wellness was affected. Her spiritual life suffered also as she allowed the negativity of her situation to shut out positive spiritual influences and people from her life.
There are 10 fatal mistakes that she made and other women seem to make in relationships that are listed below:
1) TRUSTING TOO QUICKLY -Revealing to many intimate details about your life without taking time to assess whether or not this person is worthy of trust can backfire. Real intimacy takes time and cannot be rushed.
2) VULNERABILITY–Knowing what your own wants and needs are can help decrease your vulnerability to be manipulated. For example, if security is important to you, and someone promises it to you, you may fall into something based on that promise and it can lure you into a situation that will not provide that at all.
3) SETTLING FOR LESS–Desperation to have someone, anyone, be there can cause you to settle for less and less is not more when it comes to relationships in your life.
4) ACCEPTING DISRESPECT–Verbal and physical abuse are never acceptable in a relationship! Making excuses and accepting this behavior tears at the very core of your being. Respect is not optional.
5) LOSING YOUR SENSE OF SELF–Don’t allow feelings of guilt or unworthiness to steal your self-worth. If you do not love your own self, you cannot expect anyone to.
6) ISOLATION – Don’t shut out positive sources or turn away those who have your best interest at heart. Their support may be the link to safety.
7) DWELLING ON THE NEGATIVE CIRCUMSTANCE–Being consumed with the situation where it’s all you think about, talk about and worry about. That doesn’t make it change–only taking action to do something different can bring a different response.
8) TRYING TO “CHANGE” HIM–Nobody can make anybody be different. People are who they are and when someone shows you their real face, see it as it is.
9) AVOIDING THE PAIN–Denying that you are hurting doesn’t make the pain go away. You must deal with the issue at hand and make a decision about how you will handle it. Denial of what is going on will not stop the inner pain you feel.
10) REPLACEMENT SYNDROME–Rushing out to find someone else to fill the void of the ended relationship. This can result in double disaster, especially when you find yourself attracted to the same kind of individual or situation. Take time to clear your head and heart. Wait a while before jumping into another relationship.
It is important for women to recognize and understand that being whole–physically, emotionally and spiritually–is key to experiencing relationships that contribute to a healthy and happy life. Being able to love and accept yourself is the first step to opening the exciting path of a beautiful and wholesome relationship with someone else.
Gloria Thomas Anderson, MSW
Columnist of: Inspiring Insights For Your Soul and Spirit!
© 2006 Heart Tones