The other day, I received an email from a wife whose husband had asked for “space.” He needed “time to think” and wanted to be able to do so without the wife around as much. Of course, the wife did not know quite how to take this. It felt like rejection. It felt like the first step of breaking up. It felt like her didn’t want her anymore. So, naturally, this made her want to make her presence known that much more. She knew that pushing herself on him when he asked for space might just be the wrong thing to do. However, she was having a very hard time with this. She simply wanted to be with him and it felt wrong to step back. She asked how she could get through this and give him the space he had asked for. I’ll share with you what I advised her to do in the following article.
When A Husband Asks For Space, You Should Make It Work For You: There are many reasons that a man will pull away or ask for some alone time to reflect. Sometimes, this doesn’t even have that much to do with you. He may not connect the dots with this though. He may well be projecting his frustration in other areas onto you. Or, he may be having some issues with himself. Other times, he may be contemplating or reflecting on the relationship and may just want to be able to do this without your being there influencing his thoughts. Sometimes, he just wants to broad on his own. Men very rarely want to share their vulnerability with their wife.
However, never underestimate silence and distance as a tool that can work for you rather than against you. Basically, you have a choice here. You know that when he’s taking his “space” he’s going to reflect upon you and the relationship, so don’t allow the recent images of you to be those of you arguing and / or guilting or placing yourself in a negative light.
Instead, handle yourself with respect and grace. Treat him in the way that you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. Make it clear that you love him and want him to be happy, but respect his request and make it clear that you’re going to take advantage of the time also. This doesn’t mean to play games or insinuate that you’re going to act out. This means showing him that you are strong, independent, and capable. Not only that, but that you’ll do your own reflecting during this process.
Show Him The Strong And Attractive Side Of You, Not The Weak And Needy Side: It’s so easy to “just check in.” Or to call and text much more than you intend to. It’s all too tempting to keep checking his face book page or twitter or however else you keep tabs on him. Resist this urge. It will only make you appear to be needy and less than attractive. You will again become the woman who is holding on too tight. Stay as busy as you need to be so that you aren’t tempted to do these things. However, make sure that these things that keep you busy are fun for you.
Surely there are things that you’ve meant to do lately but just haven’t gotten around to it or postponed because you didn’t want to take time away from him. Well, now is the perfect time to take advantage of this time. Do not sit home and dwell on this. Do not play sad love songs or write painful poetry. Don’t pull out old photos or videos. All of these things will only feed into your feeling desperate and this is not what you want.
Instead, focus on things that make you happy, build your confidence and build some peace. Know that this is going to turn out OK, no matter what because you both deserve to be happy. Go get a makeover or new hair style. Make sure he knows that you love yourself enough to care about you as much as you do him.
Create Positive Perceptions: He may be having doubts and negative perceptions about the relationship right now, but you can’t control his thoughts. You can only control how you act and respond when the two of you interact right now. And, you want to leave him thinking positive thoughts when he thinks of you. This doesn’t mean that you need to be overly sweet or syrupy nice. He’s probably smart enough to spot insincerity and trickery. But, you are very capable of interacting in a positive way. You ware very capable of showing him the best side of yourself which presents the qualities that he fell in love with. You know how to hold a light hearted and happy conversation with him.
Do not present yourself as the wounded on whom he should take pity. Present yourself as the fun loving woman who is pleasant and fun to be around. This will make him miss you quicker than trying to convince him that he’s wrong – which is what many of us do. I know that this might run counter to what you feel like doing, but try to take a step back and think about what’s really best, not what feels right at this time – but what might later turn out to be a mistake.
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