Intimacy is part of every close relationship; this can be between lovers, husband and wife, friends, sisters and / or brothers or other parts of the family. Intimacy itself means a ‘close familiarity, closeness or togetherness’ in general and ‘intercourse, lovemaking’ in sexual relations. In the following article we will look at ways to develop intimacy specifically between a couple in a relationship; however they might also apply to other relationships mentioned.
1. Make room
In order to be able to allow intimacy we need to be in the right environment. This depends on the kind of intimacy we are looking for and on the personality of the people involved. Mostly we need some private space where we can be undisturbed.
2. Reserve some time
Intimacy is also related to time in the sense that it develops with time. As with creating the space, we need to allow time for it to flourish.
3. Be present
Let your thoughts of the day drift away and be present to this moment and space. Specifically draw your full attention to your partner.
4. Focus your attention
In tantric exercises, couples are asked to look into each other’s eyes and start to breath together. This encourages presence and attention to be focused on each other which allows intimacy.
5. Speak from the heart
Complete the following sentences: ‘What I appreciate about you is…’ and ‘What I love about you is…’ while you look into your partner’s eyes.
6. Listen – inside and outside
Often people have unconscious fears about intimacy and being seen. Listen to what is happening inside of you (your internal thoughts) and to what your partner is saying.
7. Allow vulnerability
Intimacy also brings up vulnerabilities about who we are at the core. This is where you can develop yourself and your intimacy by allowing any related feelings and truly stay open.
8. Practice acceptance and welcoming
Just as you are opening up your ‘innermost’ self to your partner so will they. Developing more intimacy goes hand in hand with the feeling of acceptance and welcoming that we receive from our partner.
9. Share your fears
Opening up about your fears and failures can develop intimacy if it is mutual.
10. Make it a habit
Continue and repeat the steps 1 to 9 and make it a habit. Intimacy does not just happen by accident; it is a result of two people being committed to making their relationship deep and meaningful.
Intimacy has also been transformed into ‘in-to-me-I-see’. To me this means that in any intimate relationship what we ultimately become aware of and develop is what we see in ourselves.