Unfortunately, not many of us go into our lifelong romantic relationship without some sort of past. It’s inevitable that eventually a discussion will occur in which both you and the man you adore will confess your deepest, darkest, past relationship secrets. Even though any other entanglements happened before you two met, they can still cause a lot of conflict in the present. Such is the case with a man who just can’t seem to get over the reality that his girlfriend had boyfriends before him. If your man can’t handle the fact that you do have a past, you’re facing an uphill battle. Once you confess your past sins to him you obviously can’t take them back. However, there are things you can do to effectively undo the damage you’ve already done and get him to see beyond what you did before you met him. Getting your man to focus on the here and now is truly the key to accomplishing this.
Make Certain He Knows That What You Feel For Him is Different
It’s impossible to know how much is too much to tell about your past. In most relationships we strive for full disclosure. We want the connection to be based on honesty and that includes frankness about any relationships that may have been significant that happened in the past.
However, you can never really know for certain how your man will eventually react to the news that you were involved with other men before him. Some guys take the information in stride and never give it a second thought, others allow the details to fester in their emotional core and it quickly becomes a source of unending conflict between the couple.
You can typically tell if your man is bothered by the news that you have indeed had a past before him. He’ll ask countless questions about your former lovers and he may even ask you to compare him to them. If this does indeed happen you must be very clear with your boyfriend that he is the only man you have ever felt so close to. You must make a point of expressing to him that you believe the connection you two share surpasses anything you had in the past. Make certain that your boyfriend understands that you feel that any experiences you may have had before meeting him were only to fill in your time until he walked into your life. Ensure he feels very special.
Encourage Him to Focus on The Present and The Future
If your boyfriend repeatedly wants to talk about your past relationships, switch the conversation to what you want to do now and tomorrow with him. Some men become so fixated on their girlfriend’s past that they can’t enjoy what is happening between them right now in the moment. You have to be the one to guide your man towards this enlightenment and you can do that by creating new experiences for both of you. Each and every time you say to your boyfriend, “I’ve never done that before,” he’ll feel he’s embarking on a new adventure that you’re only going to share with him. It doesn’t matter if it’s rock climbing or trying a new restaurant. The focus should be on creating new memories that only involve the two of you.
It’s also wise to gently tell him that you can’t change your past and that he needs to let it rest so it doesn’t create an enormous divide between the two of you. He may feel unable or unwilling to do that but it’s important that you stress to him that unless he does, the relationship can’t move forward.
Realize That His Insecurities Are Driving His Behavior
When a man asks a woman about her past, he’s typically doing so with an expectation that he’ll be able to handle whatever she shares. If the information reaches beyond the scope of what he expected to hear, it may push some vulnerability buttons within his ego.
Even if your other experiences were years and years ago, your man may take them as a personal challenge. He may wonder what you saw in other men and he may also take on the unreal idea that you should have waited for someone like him, or him, in particular.
If he asked about your past and you shared what you felt was appropriate in an honest and compassionate way, you can’t possibly control his reaction. You are not responsible for his bruised or threatened ego. You can’t carry with you the guilt that your confession changed the relationship. If your connection falters because of your honesty, that’s a clear indicator that your man’s ego matters more to him than honesty between you two.
There may come a point when you have to decide if you want to continue defending your past choices as you’re trying to build a new and meaningful connection with a man who seems stuck on your past. It’s important to remember that regardless of how much he may wish you could change your past, you can’t. If he can’t accept the woman you are now, including who you were in the past, that may be a sticking point you two can’t get past.
