Secrets of Secure People

What is it that secure people know that other people do not know? Why is it that they don’t have to hide their insecurities? Surely they have some, we all do. We all can identify insecure people. For some it show in shyness, a nervous tick or cough and for others,well, they try to hide it behind some outward behavior. In any case, it is usually pretty obvious. Insecurity is very uncomfortable. We feel exposed and vulnerable. We are afraid people will find us out. If they do we will be very embarrassed and even more insecure.

It sounds like a vicious circle, doesn’t it? It is and it can be an insidious downward spiral. Here are some things I believe secure people know and live their lives by. Once they accept these things as guidelines for living they can give up the need to be right, accomplished or any other thing that makes people feel insecure.

1. Everyone does the best that they can with the resources they have at any given time. They make the best decisions and judgments and engage in the best behavior they have access to.
2. The way I perceive things is not necessarily the way someone else perceives things and indeed, neither is the whole truth. Each is only the individual’s current view of the world. There is always something more to learn.
3. Every behavior has a positive intent behind it. The positive intent may not be obvious to other people but it is driving behavior. It may be a need for some personal gain or it may be outwardly focused or both.
4. Choice is better than no choice. The more options a person has the more flexible they can be and that gives an advantage to the person holding those options.
5. The meaning of communication is the response you get. If someone does not understand or misunderstands it is the speaker’s responsibility to find a way to make their communication understandable. Communication is not about our intention, it is about the response it elicits.
6. People already have all of the resources they need. They may need some help in accessing those resources but they are available when the right questions are asked or the right experiences are elicited either through memory or imagination.
7. There is no such thing as failure – only feedback. Feedback serves to illuminate and educate. The person receiving the feedback can decide what to do about it.

As you can see, holding these assumptions recognizes people as being whole and complete. There is no need for insecurity. Try these on and see how they change your view of yourself.